Adam Sandler Lyrics

The Buffoon and the Valedictorian
Performed by Adam Sandler and Jennifer Lien

"And now the buffoon's date at the drive-in with the school's valedictorian." Valedictorian: "I really appreciate you're asking me out. Most people are intimidated by my high academic achievement." Buffoon: "This movie sucks shit!" Valedictorian: "Well, Ebel gave it thumbs up, but Ciscel thought it was too preachy. Anyway, I enjoyed the director's last film immensly." Buffoon: "Cathleen Turner has big fuckin' tits!" Valedictorian: "Yes, well, she recently had a child. I think her maternal biology may play a role in that. She looks fabulous for a woman her age, doesn't she?" Buffoon: "I put a firecracker in a bullfrog's mouth and blew his fuckin' head off." Valedictorian: "Well, in psychology we learned that it is not uncommon for male adolescents to commit savage acts on animals as part of their maturing process." Buffoon: "That girl in the fucking car in front of us, she gives everybody head." Valedictorian: "Well, I guess she's strong for attention and she feels promiscuity is the only way to obtain it." [Buffoon eating popcorn]
Buffoon: "This popcorn's fuckin' terrible. It tastes like someone jizzed all over it."
[Buffoon continues to eat popcorn] Valedictorian: "Well the amount of semen on this popcorn is certainly disturbing. Perhaps the staff in the refreshment stand was overcome by the monotony of their work and decided to play a childish prank." Buffoon: "I looked at my asshole in the mirror today. It blew my fuckin' mind!" Valedictorian: "It's ironic that parts of one's body seems odd and unusual because you don't see them on a day to day basis. Buffoon: "My father's shit stinks up the bathroom all fuckin' day!" Valedictorian: "It's puzzling why one person's fecal odor can be more overpowering than another's. I wonder whether it is a function of the food digested or that person's internal metabolism." Buffoon: "I'm gonna go get head from that fuckin' girl."
[Gets out of the car] Valedictorian: "Well, I'm sorry to see the date come to such an abrubt conclusion."
[Buffoon walking away]
"I do appreciate the time you spent with me and look forward to a future rondevue." Buffoon: "I like to piss in that guy's fuckin' gas tank!" Valedictorian: "Bye bye! Have fun."
[Buffoon continues to walk away]